jook sing : may 15

Is Memorial Day here yet? Seems like it's taking forever to get our first paid holiday of the year. The weather has been great here in LA. Not very much smog and it's been nice and breezy. Last summer I purchased several lawn chairs for this little corner of my yard that looks out onto the great view of some LA suburb. Needless to say, I've neglected those chairs this past winter but this weekend, I tended to them and scrubbed them down nice and clean to use again.

Man, I think we all need to slow down once in awhile and kicking back on those lawn chairs taking in the breezes and some sun is the best way to go. You can either enjoy it during daytime or relax and look up at the stars at nighttime while enjoying the twinkling lights of the view yonder. But I highly suggest that you get some of those "OFF" bug coils and some of those citronella candles to ward of any mosquitoes or else you'll end up looking like you got chicken pox. Speaking from experience mind you.

Was watching a PBS documentary entitled Citizen Hong Kong tonight. It really captured my attention because it was about Hong Kong's Handover back to China in 1997 and the aftereffects on its citizens seen through the eyes of 5 individuals in their teens through their 30's. I guess it hits home because:

1. i was there for the handover in 97 to witness this historical event and 2. for us 1.5'ers, it's a difficult to see the gray line where the two cultures blend

I don't know how many of you can relate to this but I'll just throw it out here for the sake of discussion. Even though I spent most of my life in the US growing up here like an ABC, I found a cultural struggle within myself as I grew up. I remembered when I was young, I would be so ashamed to be classified and associated with the FOBS, because god forbid, I wasn't like them at all....no no no....not with their glasses, nerdy clothes, fucked up haircuts and an ACCENT!

I was to be in the way cooler and hip, ABC crowd with our dittos and chemin de fer jeans, our ease of assimilating with the whites kids and of course our accentless Engrish. I remembered at school, there was this wall outside the ESL classrooms and we would dub it "the great wall of China."

While all this was going on, I would also be tagged as a "jook sing" and a "tow jue"' by my parent's friends and relatives. I suppose a part of me wanted to show them that I could speak Cantonese just as well as any other Hong Kongnese but still retain my ABC-like identity. When I turned almost 20, I remembered that I really want to get in touch with some sort of identity out there. American wasn't exactly quite right because we Asians don't exactly fit in with the entire culture. Being Chinese wasn't quite right either because we're a foreigner in their eyes too.

It was tough. And I'm the first to admit I'm hypocritical at times too because I would always ask "do I have an accent like them?" and then I would ask "hey, do I speak Chinese better than that ABC?"

I never knew how I fit in. I guess I'm a 1.5er. Sometimes I still don't know how I fit in because I still make fun of some FOBs that I see on the streets and how some of their habits seem so uncivilized. And then on the other hand if someone was to talk bad about my ABC-like ways and thinking, I would use full on Cantonese to defend myself, hence proving my affinity with the Chinese culture.

I don't seem to find my own roots out there and where do I fit in?

Anyone else have this issue out there? Email me.

I'm finding that updating my site without pictures is so much easier and faster. But of course, much more boring and blase.

It still amazes me at times about this intricate little online family we have here. Don't worry, I'm not getting sentimental or anything. And to think that I would have never met (figuratively speaking) all these people from all over the place if it wasn't for a personal website and a slew of webbie folks that loves to read about each other's lives.

I keep in touch with these online webbie folks more so than my RL friends and uh, that's not Ralph Lauren mind you. However that doesn't mean I discredit my RL friends or anything. They don't exactly understand my web life as you guys do. Most of my friends think I hole myself up in my room and don't come out. Very untrue.

Anyway, wanted say thanks to Glenda for the encouragement and for the kind words. It means alot to me since I'm pretty stressed right now. Where else can you find people who haven't met you and still care enough to send their very best? *smile*

I'm out.

P.S. I'm behind. Argh. I need to catch up to today's date.