A few months back, I did one of those 50 Questions thing for Yen as well as a few other OJs via those chain mail things. But I got to thinking that there hasn't been a questionaire that really truly gets to the gut of a person, so I'm going to here....today....do my OWN version of the 50 Questions About Yourself. Feel free to copy and paste and answer these on your own site or perhaps in an email to me. I'd be interested to see how you guys answer some of these questions. Hope you learn something about me (aside from knowing that I cuss alot, I'm bitter, I'm perverted, I'm angry and mean and that I make fun of people). And I thought of these questions on my own -- so they may be a bit "off", like me.

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1. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't? Ride a bike. [Stop laughing]

2. What time of the day do you like to take a shit? The morning before your day starts and gets interrupted by some bowel movement at some inconvenient place.

3. What is your ideal marriage location? Hawaii.

4. Which musical instrument do you wish you could play? Cello.

5. What's your favorite sexual position? Doggie style.

6. Favorite fabric? Cotton.

7. Something you love and hate? Food.

8. What kind of bedding do you use? Cotton fitted and flat sheets and two pillows.

9. What kind of soap do you use? L'Occitane Verbena.

10. Do you tell your friends about your sex life? No.

11. What's the one language you want to learn? Japanese (more than what little I already know).

12. How do you eat an apple? Cut in half and unpeeled.

13. What do you order at a bar? Club soda w/ lime unless I'm at a Korean club, then it's the mandatory Crown Royal.

14. Have you ever pierced your body parts? If so, where? Ears -- two on one side and one on the other.

15. Do you have tattoos? If so, what kind and where? No.

16. Would you ever admit to having done plastic surgery of any kind if confronted? Yes.

17. What's one of the "funnest" things you've ever done? Lick champagne off some strippers' stomach.

18. Do you drive stick? Since I was 17.

19. What's one trait you hate in a person? Insincerity.

20. What's the soonest that you've slept with someone (or hypothetically)? First date.

21. What kind of watch(es) do you wear? Agnes B, Baby G or Timex.

22. Most frivolous purchase? Designer purses.

23. Do you consider yourself materialistic? To a degree. [Hey i'm being honest!]

24. What do you cook the best? Baked/broiled dishes because they're simple.

25. Favorite writing instrument? Sharpie and Uniball Signo.

26. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in? Stand out.

27. Do you have anything monogrammed? If so, what? Yes....briefcase.

28. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? Yes.

29. What's one car you will never buy? the new Monte Carlos

30. Have you ever done drugs? Yes.

31. What kind of books do you like to read? Asian American, Art, Cookbooks, Mysteries, Travel, Occult

32. If you won the lottery, what would you do first? Pay off this damn house.

33. Burial or cremation? Cremation.

34. How many online journals do you read regularly? 50+

35. What's one thing you're a sore loser at? Bowling cause I really suck.

36. If you don't like a person, how do you show it? Ignore and leave a fart cloud.

37. How many drinks before you're tipsy? 4 beers maybe - it's been awhile.

38. Favorite kind of p0rn? Japanese (not shit) p0rn.

39. Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends? Not anymore.

40. Do you cry in front of friends? No.

41. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people? Funny, sociable, easy to make friends with.

42. What's one thing you like to do alone? Showering.

43. What's the worst thing you ever said to someone? "You're a piece of shit"

44. Are you a giver or a taker? Giver.

45. What have you stolen before? A bag of dried cuttlefish when I was 3.

46. When's the right time to go to the bathroom in front of your significant other? After marriage.

47. Favorite communication method? Email.

48. What is one thing you don't leave home without? Lip balm.

49. How often do you have sex? Not often enough.

50. What's the most painful experience you've ever had? Putting my dog to sleep.

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Perhaps when I think of more questions, I'll do another 50, and another, and another. The heat is frying my brain and I've got hives on my lower eyelids. Argh. Bye!

I'm out.

3:52pm 08.08.01 [oh lord, i'm behind]