Why is it that buffets bring out the worst in people? They can be regular folks by day, but when it comes to being in a buffet environment, they become possessed and downright demonic. Tonight, my friends and I celebrated our annual Holiday Dinner at Cafe Sierra -- yes the same place I went to have dinner last Friday night. I thought that it would be a good suggestion for everyone to try out this place and see how they like it since we were originally planning to go to Lawrys instead and the price would be comparable. But little did I remember that the closer it gets to Christmas, the more company parties there will be at hotels. I suppose that's what happens when you're not working -- you forget what it's like to be in a company environment. And that there are actually functions called...."Christmas Parties".

Anyway, I practically had an aneurysm tonight because of some very rude folks. The food was good and all that shit was fine -- it was just the rude RUDE people who cut in line, who bump into you, who are just downright fucked up with absolutely no manners.

I'm big on manners (although you may not know it by reading my site nor by interacting with me in real life).

So Fishpimp and I get into the Pasta line tonight and we have about 15 people ahead of us. And as we stood there, this Chinese lady just cuts in. Ok, well she knew the guy in front of us and we thought they were married (which it turns out they were just colleagues -- he's Chinese too btw). So after a little bit, she leaves the line for about 5 minutes then returns and cuts in front of us AGAIN.

So I said "excuse me, why did you just cut in front of us again?"

"I went to get a bowl" she replied and curtly turns back to face the front without any other explanation.

Fishpimp, sensing my rage building, told me to just let it go. And yes, I think I should because it's the holiday and everyone's liable to make ONE mistake in front of me. So we finally get to the soup area, which is before the pasta and she starts spooning her soup into her bowls when this guy (who's her actual husband) shows up and asks to take her bowls from her. She starts backing up and keeps on bumping into Fishpimp, over and over again. Her husband tells her that she's starting to spill the soup and in Mandarin, she states "SHE keeps on bumping into me. She keeps on bumping into me" in a rather angry and frustrated tone I might add.

Fuckin A -- she's bumping into Fishpimp, not US bumping into HER! Enraged, Fishpimp calls out "Bitch" [and folks, Fishpimp almost never cusses] but the lady scurries away with her tail in between her legs. I swear at that moment, I was gonna have a WWF Smackdown right there and then. So in front of us is her male colleague (who we thought was her husband at first) who's still waiting in line with us.

So I said, "what the fuck is her problem thinking that she can speak Chinese and talk about us as if we're not here! [i threw in a few mandarin words here] she thinks she can just say shit about us and pretend like we're pushing her??"

The male colleague hears me and Fishpimp speaking Mandarin and immediately turns to stare at us. We were obviously ready to skin that bitch alive and he was shocked to hear that we're Chinese too. He smiles shakily and turns back around.

"It's people like her that makes us Chinese look bad" I said [i always throw this phrase out when i'm pissed off at other Chinese folks].

So in an effort to calm down, I asked Fishpimp if she wants some soup. The male colleague in front of us turns and says "yes, the lobster soup is really good. you should try it."

I stared at him with such disgust -- "no, the lobster soup isn't good at all. i've tried it before." That shut him up real quick. WTH! He was constantly listening in on our conversation and always half-turned to listen and smile at us meekly. If I wasn't in such a civilized place, I would have just crammed a crab claw up his anus - sharp end up mind you. Then we got to the Pasta station and started choosing what we wanted in it, he turns again to us and starts telling us which ingredients are good. WTF! What's wrong with people from this company?? Are they all fucking mutants and degenerates with zero manners and social skills?? STOP STARING AND STOP EAVESDROPPING. Even if we were all standing in close quarters, pretend like you aren't paying attention. Is that too much to ask?

Needless to say, our happy dinner pretty much got ruined by that Chinese bitch and her cohort.

We finally return back to our table and relay our story to our friends. I really wanted to get a shot of her sorry piece of ass but unfortunately I didn't bring my camera with me so my friend N offered to play spy for me and go snap a picture of her. She must have made alot of enemies tonight because she was on the look out for them. When my friend N went by their table, she stared right at him as if she was was expecting a bullet thru her skull. So he came back to our table and we had to shoot her thru the buffet tables with my friend A's shoulder as a tripod. ;P

[this space is where the photos of that bitch should be if my friend would only send it to me sometime this year?]

So after that long tirade, what am I getting at? I guess we all turn into these tyrannical, territorial creatures when it comes to being in long buffet lines. Since tonight, the buffet served not only the folks at the restaurant, it was also serving 3 other company Christmas parties using the same facility; it turned out to be around 500+ people at the buffet in total which adds up to long ass lines. It's as if being in buffet lines heightens your predator senses and you become more aware of your surroundings -- guarding "your space", "your right to be where you are in line", "your enemies". Is that why when people cut in front of you or piggyback onto a friend they see in line that you become engulfed with a certain rage that results in an alter ego behavior?

I think so.

We seem to protect what's ours and isn't it funny how easily we bond with perfect strangers to tighten that reign of "our space in the buffet line". And if we see a hyena-like intruder, don't we act the same way as other animals do on National Geographic? Yes, we are at our basest forms when in buffet lines. We no longer resemble much of our educated social beings that have existed on this earth conditioned by years of proper etiquette and social skills. We reduce ourselves to foul mouthed, angry, touchy folks who just want that all you can eat food because why? They don't want to be shortchanged and get less than what they think the restaurant owes them. Or worse yet, get less than what the next guy is getting at the other table. Don't horns sprout from our goateed head when we see folks with the better "spread" knowing that we pay the same price for everything and that we deserve everything as much as the next person? But it never ceases to amaze me how folks become relentless at finding ways to cheat to get to the front of the line, how positively rude they are to lie about something to get that bowl of Lobster Soup, or how they feign to not hear what you say and pretend like you don't exist so they can get that piece of prime rib before you.

The bottom line, buffets turn mere mortals into something subhuman. We're savages, we're barbarians, we're heathens. We become no different than animals in the wild. We lie, cheat and steal for our own gain and in the end, it's just to satisfy our greed for all you can eat garlic mashed potatoes. :P

I'm out.