in case you're all wondering what jasmine looks like now :) [photo dedicated to peg and ashlyn *hee*]

Resolutions.

Ah, that dreaded 4 syllable word that you know you'll be hearing everywhere in the next few days. Once again, it's that time of year where we resolve to make changes in our lives - usually for the better of course. About how we're going to swear off all of our bad vices and do good in the new year. How we all will believe that January 1st (of every single year mind you) will magically give us super video game character powers to overcome and succeed in what we strive out to do.

It's funny how each and every year, we make those mental lists (although I'm sure some of you do actually write them down somewhere) of what we want to achieve in the coming year. I've given up on this insane tradition because if I wanted to make a change in my life, I can resolve to do it anytime during the year and not just on the 1st of January. tssk tssk tssk. Perhaps it seems futile to me that every year I begin my list with "lose weight and get in shape" only to find that by January 14th, I'm sitting there surrounded by a mountain of Snickers wrappers and Rice Krispies watching reruns of Jenny Jones. I don't think my list of resolutions in years past have ever changed at all. The list seems to be on repeat mode year after year. Sometimes it's on shuffle mode but it's more or less the same tunes year after year. Lose weight, eat better, get in shape, reduce stress, take some classes, keep in contact with friends more often, floss nightly and so on.

When people ask me with that cheery smile at the beginning of the year if I have any resolutions, I hate to rain on their parade by telling them no. Because I really don't have any. And why should I have any resolutions anyway? We're all just going to make empty promises to ourselves anyway. We are setting ourselves up for failure by thinking that 'this year is IT!' .... you lead yourself to believe that you're going to make a difference by starting the year anew and off on a new foot. But let's be realistic. If you are so determined to make a change -- you will do so on any given day at any given time. Isn't it much more worthy to actually make a change because you want to and not because you think you should since it's January 1st? Wait, let me clarify, I'm sure you *want* to on January 1st as well but are you ready to do so then? I think being more mentally and emotionally prepared to live up to our resolutions is what's important here. And not having to feel obligated to spew out a list of things to people who probably don't give a fuck. And those who probably are thinking in the back of their minds, "losing weight better be on your list girl."

Hey it's fine if you make new year's resolutions and want to share it with others but I'll just share mine throughout the year when I'm really ready to do something about it. The resolutions from my past have become demons haunting me because I've failed to complete it or go through with it. In my twisted mind, I think that the New Year should start off with a big smile on my face and not the dreaded thoughts of what I'm going to tackle this year. It's bad enough we have to worry about so much shit in our lives but let's give ourselves a break on the first day of the year shall we?

Anyway, if I *really* want to do New Year's resolutions, I can always procrastinate until...Chinese New Year.

[one resolution of mine should be to write better and stop spewing junk on my webspace]

I'm out.