One would think that by surfing all the personal sites that I do, I would actually come across someone I know. But nope. It hasn't happened yet. I always thought that perhaps I would be clicking someone's links page to another person's links page and yet another and find myself staring at someone I know. But that hasn't happened yet. I read about how so and so found out that so and so is their so and so. But I haven't had the pleasure of bumping into so and so's yet. The online journaling community is small. And when you're Asian, it's even smaller. I know for a fact that in real life, even though all of us Asians are spread out like 'i can't believe it's not butter', the degrees of separation are often times only 3-4 degrees at most before we know someone in common. So I would think that the online journaling world would be the same. But that hasn't happened yet. And yet, I do take comfort in knowing that there are so many new people out there to meet and not having tangents linking each one of us to each other. Because afterall, some of us would rather leave our skeletons undisturbed.

...

<begin sexual rant here>

I wrote that as a warning for those of you who don't dabble in reading about sex. Skip now or forever hold your peace.

I don't like giving blow jobs. They hurt my cheeks. And yet, in every single porno I've seen, blow jobs are always the mandatory first sexual act emblazoned in Technicolor. It's boring. It's trite. Speaking solely from a female's perspective, I don't think that giving men blow jobs are things that women shriek with joy about. In fact, I don't know any women who love doing it at all. I think we much more prefer the other way around. Let's run down the facts here shall we?

Let's face it, a man's penis isn't the most beautiful thing in the world. It often times reminds me of sea cucumbers. Oh wait, it actually looks more like those geoduck clams I've seen at 99 Market. And most of the time, even those are prettier than the ones I've seen hung between legs. Although they come in a myriad of colors, sizes and shapes -- the whole idea of putting my mouth on the instrument you pee from doesn't quite cut it for me. I mean, what's the point of flossing and using Listerine? Hell, why even have dental hygiene? Given that you even bathed before a blowjob, I can't seem to get away from the idea that this is something that makes me want to gag and makes you want to give me a cum facial. Aside from both circumcised and uncircumcised penises, you also have that bush of pubic hair going up your nostrils. Or into your eyes. It's bad enough getting an eyelash in there, let alone a pubic hair.

Now maybe from a man's vantage point, this looks all hunky dory, but from where I'm kneeling, it stinks. And often times, it literally does. I'm sure you've seen those movies where women go down on men and everything seems so lustful and romantic, but that's Hollywood or shall I say, San Fernando Valley. Often times there's odor to deal with. It's bad enough you're stuffing your mouth with a huge sausage but then you have these fleshy body odors emitting into your nasal passages. You already need to gag but do we really also need an odor to instigate it more?

I never quite understood the art or the proper way to give a blow job. Even after watching Fast Times At Ridgemont High, I could never see the big deal in shoving a whole carrot in your mouth. Or was it a cucumber?

All I know if that we don't use a penis to scrape our teeth with. I suppose that doesn't turn a guy on. And did I mention my cheeks hurt? It's like making fishlips for too long and going overboard. I think there should be a video called Cheeks of Steel for those of us who want to build up those particular groups of muscles. But yet, why would I want to? If I don't like giving blow jobs, I'll do such a bad job of it that my significant other will never ask for it again because he knows I suck (har har).

I assume it's a sexual ritual for men and women to go through before actual lovemaking but no thanks, I'd rather pass on it. Unlike porn stars, our bfs and husbands probably can't come again within 5 minutes. So why make a mess and splatter that stuff all over the place when we can do it in one shot where I can get a bit of the fun too? I'm sorry, I'm not one of those chicks who's just into pleasing the guy and not getting any enjoyment for myself.

Unfortunately, I've never been a big fan of this act and probably never will be . I can't see how a different penis would make me think otherwise because in the end, they all look like geoduck clams that I can't quite consider swallowing whole.

</end sexual rant here>

...

Perhaps some of you have figured out by now that I show other facets of myself through my journals. It's difficult enough to update as much as I do for the duration that I've done and still in some twisted way think that I have to entertain you out there. Well I don't. And that's precisely why there are entries that are a bit more profound. A bit less happie happie. A tad deeper than some nonsensical humorous banter. And while I still cover the mundane, the inane, the insane at times, let it be known that I do what I damn well please here.

I'm out.