A week ago, I paid a visit to the makeup counters at Macys -- BeneFit to be exact. I was there exchanging some items that I received for my birthday (things that I already had) for some things that I have been eyeing. The girl at the counter is Asian - I believe Chinese by the name on her tag and her face exuded the same type of taut sheen that Renee Zellweger had at the Oscars this year. It was beyond tight -- it was...bungee stretched all the way back to her scalp. I think her eyes were small to begin with but it looked downright Charlie Chanish upon further inspection. Not that there's anything wrong with small eyes if you're natural that is.

I inquired about some foundation sticks (playsticks) and she instructed me to sit down to try out some colors on me to see if they matched my skin tone. After removing some of my makeup, the Benefit Bungee Girl said to me, "your skin is really dry and flaky here" as she's pointing to my chin and jawline. I then proceeded to inform her that I'm using some dermatological cream to get rid of some stuff on my face. After a few strokes of the foundation on my face, she said, "Now, isn't that better to cover up all the redness? You have a lot of red splotches on your skin." At this point I'm thinking, not only is she trying to sell me stuff but she's trying to point out every single goddamn flaw on my face as well.

"Is the cream you are using to dry out your oily face?"

[I eye Fishpimp who's rolling her eyes at me as I'm mentally doing it as well.]

Yeah my face is oily with red splotches and it is currently dry and flaky on some parts but MUST you rub it in because you're trying to make a sale? Hell, you're not even making a fuckin sale, I'm only exchanging! And then I realize, almost all of the Asian sales people at makeup counters I've encountered feel like they can say anything they want about your skin because perhaps they think we're yellow sisters. Perhaps they feel it is their honorable duty to tell me about my horrible flaws because god forbid I go out in public and scare away the masses!

Then as she's mere inches away from my face, it dawns on me that she's going for the "Ling" look a la Lucy Liu. The taut skin, the stretched eyes and the smooth planes of her face screamed "Ling". Except, it doesn't look so good on her and let's not even get into what her voice sounds like.

But is it really necessary to be so blunt when trying to sell makeup? Does she think that by wriggling her parasitic comments into my self consciousness, I'll end up buying more stuff from her? Does she think I'll be hypnotized by the glossy sheen on her face and let her ring up whatever she wants? And oh please, she swears that her skin is "DEWY" and not oily. Sister, if your skin is oily, then just fucking admit it and stop hating on others! Sheesh. Needless to say, I got the things that I wanted and got my booty outta there. People like her makes makeup shopping such a fuckin burden. When you think there's an Asian sister who's gonna be cool, they end up being the ones who are most critical and give the worst service. But turn it around and she's great with non-Asian clients. It's like they think they have a doctorate in cosmetology or something and say whatever they want without even knowing your sensitivities.

Fuckers.

Anyway, here's what I got for all you makeup buffs (muhahaha):

From L-R:

Get Even Blotting Powder [my face can light up the streets of HK with all this shine]

Baby Cakes Powder Eyeliner [because eyeliner pencils are a bitch with asian eyes and we all end up looking like pandas on crack with the lower lid smear!!]

High Beam [for that post sex romp glow that i haven't had in a long time or, have i ever had it? =:o]

Kitten NY Charge It Shopping Lip Shine [the flecks of copper on my lip goes well with my oily face :p]

Playsticks [foundation, concealer, small dildo in one]

I'm out.