celebrating F's bday in a whole new way

I think all of us have this list of things you want to experience or do in your lifetime before you die and then there's this other list probably entitled something like "things i never thought i would try but i did because it just happened."

After last night's dinner at Marrakesh, we headed down the street to a place called Queen Mary. Now, I bet you're all envisioning that big haunted boat docked at Long Beach but no. I'm talking about Queens my dear friends. Queens with a CAPITAL Q! That's right...Drag Queens. Thought it would be fun to experience a night with men in drag especially amongst my very homophobic friends.

Being that most of my friends and I live in a rather docile, quiet, boring,....straight city - this was a different experience for most of us. Now, I have nothing against homosexuals and their way of life but I'm sure some of my friends are very uptight about this "alternative" lifestyle.

So we arrived at the bar/club and to be honest, I expected something more upscale and professional but oh well - this isn't Vegas. After checking our ID and such, we stood in line outside until they got our table ready inside due to the limited space inside. While we stood in line, we saw our first drag queen in the parking lot. An Asian one at that! Now his body is lithe and thin but he had to go the homely route a la village girl from China look. But that's ok -- I'm sure he gets alot of action being a China(man) doll. And then a car drove by and honked and these boys yelled out "faggots!" to all of us. I guess that really bolsters my confidence in looking like an authentic female huh? But at that moment, it really put into perspective what a lot of folks who are homosexual come up against in their daily life.

We finally headed inside and what a brand new world it was.

Being that it's my first time in a gay bar, and mainly a male gay bar at that, I have never felt so ingnored in my whole life. And I have never seen so many tall "women" with such muscular stature as well. It made me feel small and timid. Har har. Big wigs, pungent perfume, heavy makeup, polyester dresses and high heels. It was alllllllll there. I immediately noticed my male friends begin to cower and they all had that "Chinaman caught in hidden cargo" look on their face. And at the same time, I noticed all the men in the club - look at all my Asian male friends. I think being a gay Asian male must be a commodity or something. At least in LA.

The room was extremely dark, I guess to subdue the heavy makeup and it was really smoky as well. I took my seat in the second row from the stage and immediately wished that I was back near the bar instead since the speakers were really loud and sounded like they were broken too. Not to mention the actual performers came sidling up for tips a bit too often whilst batting their long faux lashes.

So what can I say about the almost 2 hour show? I thought it would have been more entertaining if the she-males didn't lip sync so much (some actually sang for real though and that was all good) and if their hormone enhanced breasts weren't falling out of their dresses either. I do have to give some of them credit that their skin was really smooth. And that I'm sure most of them put much more effort into looking like a female than regular females do. The MC was this very old Phyllis Diller-like man in drag and he was supposed to be funny but...wasn't. Seeing the big group of Asians in front, he couldn't help poking fun at the handsome guys in our group (or more like drooling on them) and telling everyone in the crowd how they all just "lovvvvved ORIENTALS"! [insert jaw drop] Wait a minute, I would have thought that them being wrongly labeled by society and looked down upon on by society would have made them more conscious of "terms" and "labels" but I guess it differs from person to person. Oh well, call us "La Choy" why don't you? And then he had to go and ask if we're Korean? Japanese? To which my Japanese friend said "yes" and so the guy automatically assumed we were ALL Japanese. I guess we all look like to people regardless of sexual orientation.

The acts itself consisted of mainly 5-6 males in drag singing various tunes and dancing as well. But during our show, there weren't too many acts replicating movie stars or singing stars - which is what I wanted to see. There was also this really offensive Latin male in a thong that kept gyrating for more tips. His body was "alright" but his face had got to go. I'm sorry, if I'm going to spend a buck, it should be on someone who at least could get my engine revving. And Rico Suave just wasn't cutting it. If I wanted a male to strip for me, I'd go to a women's nightclub, not a gay male in drag club. But eh, all those male strippers are probably gay also. I mean, overall, it's a fun place to go to and they also have other rooms in the joint for gay meat market purposes. I was just a bit too tired and didn't feel that well to be enjoying myself. And obviously I didn't drink enough. And from what Fishpimp tells me, the women's bathroom is completely filled with men in drag standing up peeing. Yum. Hell, we might as well go into the real Men's room then.

Queen Mary
12449 Ventura Blvd
Studio City, CA 91604-2407
Phone: (818) 506-5619

$7 cover charge and cash only
parking in the lot next to it or on the street

So -- since I really can't tell you all the details of the evening, I've asked my friends to give me their comments on the evening as well. Enjoy.

L: A thong will never be viewed the same as it once was. How many hormone pills does it take to move one's vocal pitch up 8 octives. Not even close to Rue Paul's standards. 7 bucks cover! rather go rent, 'To Wong Foo'....

J: It's a strange feeling standing in a room full of scary tall "women" and looking at them dancing with those ugly short men. Best looking she-he at the club: that Lucy Liu-lookalike.

Only two people responded to my email obviously. If the rest decide to make some comments, I'll post it here and make mention of it on the scribble page.

I'm out.