Don't you hate it when you order the "today's special lunch" and they say, "oh, we're out of it already" or worse yet, "there's only one left". Because that means if you and your friend were planning to get it, one of you has to forfeit.

It's ok, I'm used to losing. :P

But it does look good for $9.75 huh?

:::

edward munch: the scream
this is me.

I woke up screaming from a nightmare on Monday morning. Not a yelp, nor a cry, but a full fledged horror movie scream.

It's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. I'm plagued by nightmares constantly and what's worse is that they are all recurring. I've mentioned this on the site before and I've actually gone into detail about one of them. But I basically have 4 different nightmares that gets shuffled around and replayed over and over again. It's not fun.

So I woke up screaming on Monday morning at around 3am and needless to say, the person sleeping in the same room as me didn't find it amusing either. But it was more intense than the ones I used to have and that worries me because whatever my mind is conjuring up in my sleep is making this becoming closer and closer to my subconscious. This one particular dream used to be a little different. For over 2 decades, it remained the same but in recent years, it's as if the dream is beginning to unfold. Like a storybook where the page is finally turning onto the next scene. For so many years, the pages have remained the same - as if I'm constantly reading the same passage over and over again - yet abruptly ending and not letting me see what lies ahead. But now, it's different. It's getting closer to the crux of the story. No, it doesn't feel like the ending is near because the sequences are unfolding at a deathly slow rate. But it's more gripping, more intense,.......closer.

You know how there are things in life that you can control? Unfortunately my nightmares are not one of them. How I wish I could eliminate this from my mind as simply as clicking on delete but it's not that simple is it? I've never seeked any sort of dream interpretator or psychiatrist to talk this out and perhaps I don't really want to know what my subconscious is saying to me either. Because whatever it is, it can't be good from what the dream is depicting.

All I will tell you about my dream is the last part where I'm screaming in my dream. I can actually see my mouth open and wanting to scream but with the fear that's gripping me, nothing comes out except for a slight squeak. Knowing that a scream was the thing that could save me, I horrifying know that this is the end of me forever because I lost the chance to save myself. However, in real life, I'm actually screaming out loud in my sleep - much louder than what I see myself doing in my sleep.

Esh, no wonder I'm always tired during the day when I have things like this plaguing my mind throughout the night. :(

I'm out.