unpause
october 08, 2002
<pali lookout>
it seems like whenever i let time lapse in between writings, my life seems to fall into a sort of disarray. i liken it to a well that's overflowing because there's so much i want to purge but can't due to computer problems, lack of time, or whatever. it's in these moments of life when i really need to do some sort of ritual cleansing by putting things down on virtual paper because there's so much going on and so much i don't want to forget because i'm in the moment and i can't quite get that feeling back again even if i were to play catch up later on.
let's unpause shall we?
<work> i've been at the company for over a month now and they haven't fired me yet, so i guess that's good news. people at work think i'm docile and demure because i sit there quietly doing my shit without cussing. but they just can't hear me say "fuck" under my breath because i'm located in the most farthest remote corner of the office. they all probably think i'm the gentle little asian girl who plays with hello kitty because i'm only 5 feet tall and i drive a japanese car.
seems like a work environment never changes - there's always politics. there's always internal cliques. there's always favoritism. there's always the you-are-a-short-asian-gal-so-you-must-be-a-hard-worker mentality from others. i beg to differ. i'm just there to collect my paycheck, thank you very much. but i don't know any company that doesn't have these internal dysfunctions - they exist everywhere regardless of how great you think your company is.
i've been learning about the folks at work though. who to not hang out with. who to befriend. who to watch out for. there's this one guy there whose a snake. you can't even hear him slither toward you until he's looming over your desk. he likes to spend his time turning his roboticized head left and right scanning the workplace to see who is on the phone, who is on the internet, who is not at their desk, who is socializing and such. he obviously doesn't have enough to do if he's slithering around all day long. i personally think there's something evil in that office he's in.
then there's the overpaid hag who thinks that just because she's white, she's better than the rest of us who are not pigmentationally challenged. i'm tired of her faux gidget smile that ends in a sneer and her talbot's wardrobe. her condescending tone is trite and her flip-do is dated. move on.
i guess the good and bad part about my job is that it's very specialized so people usually don't bother me unless they need something. it could also be that where i sit, because people generally like to avoid the ceo's office if they can. perhaps that's the reason i haven't made too many friends at work. please don't pity me....i'm sure my oh-so-sunny disposition will win over many a people. *cough*
shop talk is boring, let's move on.
<health> i'm feeling ok these days. that means a lot in my book because there was a time not too too long ago when i was pretty much out of commission. so being able to wake up daily and feel pretty decent is a big thing for me. i was actually really really worried when i started my job because i thought i wouldn't be able to physically handle it. in the back of my mind, i kept on thinking about how much my illness used to affect my work and i was concerned that it would happen again. but i've been trying to take better care of myself and have been working out almost daily to keep the stress at bay. i'm still doing my weekly injections and have been diligently drinking 64 ounces of water by 4pm daily. :p of course the nearest restroom being about 200 feet away from my desk isn't so great when your bladder is stretched to the hilt. i firmly believe that someone ought to invent the desk catheter. it would be a great invention. you'd never have to leave your desk and at the end of the day, you unplug yourself and dispose of the bag. neat and tidy. :p anyway, where was i? i swear, getting old makes one tangent off onto unrelated things much too easily.
enough tonight. will continue to unpause more tomorrow and then get back into posting my hawaii photos and pics from the events i've been partaking in recently.
