goodbye 2004
december 31, 2004
another year. another entry.
i've been thinking about how to wrap up this year end update for the past couple of weeks. a lot has happened this year - both good and bad. and like many of you, there are moments that i wish i could hold onto forever and then there are moments i wished i could carve out of my life and throw into the incinerator.
i can't quite say that i've grown up in any way but i've made a lot of decisions this year that will probably affect how i live my life in 2005. call it resolutions, call it enlightenment, call it what you will - i just wonder if i will live up to what i've set my mind on to do & carry out. i hate giving myself ultimatums or pressure because i think i'll crack more than i already have. so i'll just take it slow and explore new avenues and pursue new interests while still trying to maintain this site.
if it weren't for the support of friends & family, i'm sure i would have driven off some cliff by now and believe me, there's a BIG ASS cliff i drive pass every single day.
here's some highlights and downlights of the year that i may or may not have written about on this site.
jan: found a lump in my breast and had to get a mammogram. i never wrote about this because i was just so fucked up and stressed with everything else going on. i also started getting testing done for the pain in my ovaries & other issues. company moved to a new office = shittier commute.
feb: results came back from the mammogram and turned out ok although doctors want me to continually monitor it. testing came back for other things and was diagnosed with PCOS. everything made sense after i was diagnosed and researched what this did to my health. no wonder all these years of unknown weight gain, ovarian cysts, depression etc. finally made sense. left for hong kong at the end of the month to attend BIL3's wedding.
mar: spent my 34th birthday in hong kong and then flew to hawaii for a jaunt. returned back to the states with BIL/SIL3 in tow. worked my ass off.
apr: snowie was killed and i acquired snowbie. have been feeling a neverending sense of guilt since. started puppy classes with snowbie.
may: spent a lot of time raising a new puppy. spent a lot of time fighting a lot of inner demons. took a short jaunt to hawaii with fishpimp. came to a realization that i'm really not as important to some friends as i thought i was.
jun: same as may. began taking a break from this site.
jul: same as may. still on hiatus from the site. got a new manager at work (humpty dumpty) and was living in hell.
aug: returned back to the site with a mini makeover but still wasn't motivated much. went to raging waters waterpark for the first time. scared myself shitless on some crazy waterslides. thought i was going to fall off those slides and land 3 stories down with a pitchfork in my spleen. humpty dumpty began his terror on us and so we took it straight up to the top.
sep: humpty dumpty fell off the wall.
oct: FINALLY started taking the meds for my PCOS condition and encountered shitloads of side effects. was a tough month in all aspects of life. offered the first ever aiyah.net christmas card to readers. opened a po box for the site.
nov: revamped the website with a new layout. started knitting like a fiend for christmas presents & began hoarding yarn again. saw my ob/gyn to see if the meds were helping my condition any.
dec: i've been fighting my inner demons alot this month. i've decided it's time to make a change and to reach out for help. thank god that there's people i can talk to and who understand what i'm up against. i now realize i can't expect others to change - instead, i need to change my thinking in a lot of things. hopefully i'll be a stronger person in 2005.
and for 2005 - i hope to build a better relationship with those who are important to me. i hope to weed out those who are toxic. i hope to understand myself better. i hope to be healthier. i hope to walk the talk. i hope to be more forgiving. i hope to do the things i really love to do and that i gave up on. i hope to be able to update more without sacrificing the other areas in my life.
i hope to kick some ass.
i'm so glad to close the book to this shitty year.
