abandoned
february 07, 2005
it's not always a smoggy day in los angeles. on days when the skies are blue with puffy white clouds and not a trace of the brown stuff lingering about.....it's almost livable here.
i snapped this photo over a week ago when i was on the 10 West Freeway passing by a crystal clear view of downtown la. taking a photo like this is especially hard when you're going 75-80 miles per hour on a narrow 4 lane highway. i just take what i can and if i'm lucky, i get something postable on this site.
: :
today, someone i've become dependent on in recent days decided to cut me loose. in that split second, i felt a hollow feeling of abandonment. it was almost a gripping fear as if i was drowning. make that drowning while seeing the innertube in plain view but too far to reach for. as i set the handset back onto the phone, i stared at my monitor not knowing what to do. inside i was shaking. inside i was screaming "no!". inside i was asking myself "what now?"
i went walking around target during lunch to clear my head. i was a jumbled mess of nerves but the more i thought about it - the person had to cut me loose for my benefit and theirs as well. if i am to achieve what i set out to accomplish this year, maybe this is the plan of a higher being to have me walk in this direction.
and to be fair, i was cut loose with an inflatable raft, paddle and all. it's just..do i want to try and paddle and find my way to the shore?
i'm sorry but i just can't help but feel like my titanic has just sank and i'm going down with it. i'm bitter, angry, lost and just want to give everyone the finger.
