cheesecake factory
march 28, 2005
^ fishpimp in the bar mirror
the doctor called me today with some distressing news. i guess my most recent womanly checkup revealed something. as if this year couldn't get any worse, it just fucking does. somehow, i'm feeling both upset and nonchalant about it at the same time. it's strange but maybe i'm just numb or i'm in shock.
all i know is that, i feel really alone right now.
god, i really didn't want this journal to always sound like i'm fucking complaining or griping about my issues but that's what it seems like it's becoming. i apologize dear journal because i wished i could write about some happier things. but i just can't. not right now at least.
fishpimp had lunch at cheesecake factory with me recently. as much as i love the food at cheesecake factory, the wait is excruciating. therefore i never sit at the tables and instead grab a seat at the bar. we just ordered the mini crab cakes, the baked potato soup and a club sandwich to share. i realized that if it's just two people, sitting at the bar is great because the conversation is a bit more intimate due to the seating arrangement. of course that means you may have an intimate conversation with the stranger on the other side of you as well.
i've been thinking of doing a blog that documents my workouts. just a tool to keep track of what i did and how my progress is to reach "the goal". but i'm not sure how much more time i can devote to the web. i'm already busy enough as it is with this site and now with flickr as well. i barely have enough time to exist as it is.
my friends have recently commented on how busy i am. they all think i lead the rock star lifestyle or something. but i really don't. i just work a lot and then i have my current hobbies - kung fu & dancing & working out. it's not really intentional that i try to make my life so hectic but perhaps it's more of a realization that i need to do things for myself and if that means sacrificing other areas of my life, then so be it. i think i'm juggling everything ok and in many ways, these activities are great stress relievers. without them, i believe i would actually go insane or cause some sort of self inflicted pain.
last friday i began my private JKD lesson with one of the sifus from my kung fu school. he expressed to me that he wants to bring me up to speed quickly so that i can move onto a level with people who are more...my size. by that i think he means people who are not 10 years old. since i'm so green, the people who are in my level are basically kids - make that, kids who are there because their parents put them there - not because they want to be there. do you know how hard it is to beat the shit out of a little kid who doesn't fight back?
so the sifu said to me that he wants to get me away from the kids and put me with students who have been there around 7 months - 2 years. that is a whole other ball game i say. so on saturday they paired me up with some guys who are about 14 years old and they were really kind to this old lady. i don't think they know how old i am - a few guessed i was in my early 20's (bless their hearts :p) but they were cool about parrying with a chick.
i've found that doing kung fu and working out at the gym are worlds apart. the gym is now kind of a break from a real workout - NOT to say that working out at the gym is not really working out but the difference is amazing when you go through martial arts training. i still go to the gym on my "off" days and find that i can push myself harder now. perhaps it's the real training in endurance, stamina and strength that has made me physically, a lot stronger. i haven't even worked out with weights at all but i noticed that the muscles i'm developing are a lot leaner and less bulky than if i were to use freeweights. i think it all comes from using my body weight as the resistance.
i did make it to the gym tonight and it was the very first time i ever had to wait for a machine. that's the downside of working out after work. i seriously miss my lunch time workouts but you can't have everything i guess. so i stood there waiting for about 5 minutes until someone got off the life fitness machine. as i started getting into it, the guy next to me started talking to me - even though i had my headphones on. that's one thing i never do is socialize or talk when i'm working out. i'm one of those freaks who just listen to music and focus hard. i know that if i start talking, my concentration will be shot and it will be a big waste of my time. but the fella next to me was going on about this asian kid in front of me who had his gym shorts half way down his ass - showing his boxers to the world. i guess some people just look at other people's asses at the gym - i tend to focus on some chick's bra strap 3 rows in front of me so i have something to hone in on.
workout: life fitness machine. 3.8 miles. 35 minutes. 512 calories.
^ a good club sandwich is one of my favorite foods
currently listening to: rachael yamagata, worn me down
