december 22, 2006
during our last FAB get together, i was lamenting to the girls about other femmes who try so hard to be like you but hate you so much for being you. they will put down everything you do, buy, have, want, need, gets and then turn around and buy, get everything you have. and if not one, then two of them to one up you!
after thinking about a name for them, i think i wanna call them the imihaters. they want to both imitate you and hate you.
sometimes i wonder if these women even know what they are doing? i mean, so many of them probably don't even know that they are actually reacting to something. then again, a lot of them do.
perhaps all of us have had our share of imihaters. they mimic your hand movements, your speech patterns, your body language, personal vernacular and often times they try to pull off the way you dress, your hairstyle/color without much success. for most of us, this is reminiscent of single white female.
sure, someone who wants to immitate you is a form of flattery but it becomes an annoyance after awhile. when those around you can point out that so and so was doing the exact thing you were doing except a split second after you did it, it's not so funny anymore. some of these girls just blend into the background and aren't charismatic and probably want to be more like you. perhaps it's because you have that E.F. Hutton-esque "when you talk, people listen" type of personality and they don't.
i've written about one of my favorite imihaters before...she used to work with me at the bakery and drove me nuts because i had to see her every single day. she would proclaim that my jcrew boots were lame and then go out and buy 2 pairs. she would say my dooney and bourke (the old skool ones) were ugly and then get an exact one in a smaller compact version. my honda accord was such a boring car and then she went out to buy one as well. it wasn't so much acquiring the same things i had that bothered me...it was more her putting down everything i do. every choice i made. every decision i went through with. she was so desperate to compare herself to me and to be better than me that she made herself so miserable. but yet i don't' think she ever saw what she was doing.
of course i for one know that she was just very insecure. she was not liking herself or who she was. she had poor social skills and didn't know what to say or how to act in front of others so she had to show off a big tough nothing can hurt me type of image. she was not confident of being who she was and the best way to boost her own self image was to lash out on those who were close to her. i know she chose me to compare herself with because i was not as pretty as the other girls or thinner. no, she had no chance of putting those girls down. so she pinpoint her bullseye on me.
she was so full of pride and hatred that she couldn't be happy for anyone. even those girls (me and several others) who gave her a chance and gave her an opportunity to be friends with, she threw it all away by talking smack about them. you do know that we all find out in the end about things because nothing and i mean nothing is kept sacred. as long something comes out of your mouth to another person, it will eventually find its way back to that person you are speaking ill of.
i suppose what finally tore her down the most was when i really started dating. that was one thing she couldn't buy....couldn't obtain on her own....couldn't achieve without someone liking her back of course. she hated me having a boyfriend. she couldn't comprehend why *I* could have one but she didn't. she even aired that i didn't deserve the guy i was dating (who is TGILW btw).
looking back, i felt really sorry for her but i was angry with her as well. i wanted to help her by telling her what she was doing, why she should just be herself and be more confident. but i don't think she would have listened because i don't think she would even admit to herself that she had poor self image/esteem. she was just a huge venomous ball of hatred, seething, angry and bitter at seeing those who she thought was not as good as her, having the things she didn't have. whether they were material objects or just better social skills or a more positive attitude about life - she was so resentful and envious.
needless to say, she is not a part of my life. the last time i saw her was on the freeway about 8 years ago. i *heard* she was dating someone but the guy was a complete controller. i have dreams sometimes of her and although she was quite the imihater, she wasn't 100% bad. i wonder what she's doing now but honestly, i never really want to see her again.
i'm not sure how most of you would handle your own imihater because there is no hand book for it is there? whenever i feel like there is one in my life, i try not to be too close to them because of this previous experience with one. they would only cause you a lot of unnecessary stress and worry. i worked really hard to be who i am today. it didn't come from just being myself but learning about who i am and accepting who i am. i wish i could have told her what i know now but i also realize that a lot of imihaters would not listen because they are too busy imitating and hating you.
share your imihater experience with me!
currently listening to: chicago, if you leave me now