blue note
february 23, 2006
^ buddy, my neighbor's dog
i really never thought i would be one of those people who would sit here and type out my contemplation on whether or not i would continue with this site. i've never been one to announce a hiatus or if i'm doing to drop out of the scene for awhile...but recently i've really been entertaining the idea of wrapping up aiyah.net. for good.
part of me doesn't want to give this up because it's been such a beneficial aspect of my life to be able to write and share. the best part for me is to go back and read my archives years later and to spark up memories long faded away. there's also the aspect of being able to make friends and meet people from this fantastic medium. i've always said that it's cathartic all around.
on the other hand, i'm having a hard time writing and sharing about things that don't sound happy anymore. it seems like anytime i want to sit and write, it's with a heavy heart and negative news to share. i feel like those days of writing funny and carefree entries are gone. i sense these entries sound like a broken record and it's not only painful to type out but they lack that zest i once had.
it seems like i'm stuck in some mire.
although i've gone through my share of ups and downs throughout these years, i'm not sure why it's hitting me harder recently. maybe as i mentioned in the previous entry, it has to do with aging? maybe it has to do with over pondering of where i am at this point in my life and how come i'm not where i thought i would be at this age.
needless to say, with constant ruminations of these types of thoughts, i'm getting weary of writing and continuing with my entries. i just feel that i don't have good entries to write anymore which of course makes for poor entries to read.
i can tell myself that this surely is a phase i'm going through...like everything else in my life that i've gone through. i've always been able to get past everything, eventually.
but why does this case of the blues seem so much darker than before?
maybe it's time to do that mind over matter thing.
and just stop. being. blue.
i've done it before, i'm sure i can do it again.
currently listening to: bananarama, every shade of blue
