6 lives left
january 17, 2006
^ that's 3:30am folks and with very oily hospital smelling hair. ick.
for me to sit here typing this today to the grand ole internet world is simply remarkable.
last night was an extremely close call. of all the anaphylactic episodes i've experienced, this one and my very first one were the most scariest ones. the first one i ever got was because of eating something i was allergic to (and didn't know about). last night, it was an allergy to penicillin that almost took me to the grave. it's funny to sit here and type it out now while feeling more or less normal again.
i know for many who doesn't know what it feels like to go into anaphylactic shock or to know the consequences of having one, it's seriously a here one second, gone the next type of scenario.
if you've been reading this journal for the past few weeks, you know that i have been pretty sick with a couple bacterial infections. so my doctor decided to change me onto something else. this particular medicine is penicillin based and since i've never had any problems with penicillin in the past, i thought i would be fine with it.
now i know it will probably kill me.
i took my first dose during dinner and then promptly tucked myself into bed around 11am. the odd thing was, right before i closed my eyes, i felt something odd was going to happen and for a flash of a second, i thought maybe i would have anaphylaxis. but i shook it off and fell asleep.
around 12:15am, i woke up abruptly. the only sound i could hear was my heart beat pounding in my ear and the blood was rushing inside my body. it completely tuned out all other external noises. still in a fit of partial slumber, i could sense the tautness of my skin, stretched beyond belief, all the while getting more and more swollen with the layers and layers of hives growing from head to toe.
when i sat up, i felt my belly and was disgusted to find that it had spread completely to my torso, both front and back. it's always the same, it starts from the top of my head and makes its way down the body. with my palms itching, i felt my face becoming featureless and burning up like a human torch.
i made my way to the bathroom and turned on the light only to confirm what i've known all along for the past 3 minutes. but to actually see oneself and the extent of the seriousness of the reaction always leaves me speechless. these of course are only the physical changes. it's the internal systemic changes that are the things that will kill me.
from my many previous episodes, i've learned how to gauge the severity of the allergic reaction. sometimes the hives won't be too bad and can be contained with a warm shower and antihistamine. there are times when it's a little bit more serious and it spreads faster and quicker but only in patches here and there. last night was the type where there was no question about going to the emergency room immediately. it was as if an angry demon was engulfing me. and fast. i often times use the external physical reaction to determine the seriousness of the systemic reaction.
my breath was labored and my teethed chattered. i could barely talk and i was gasping. it took me nearly 20 seconds to utter 3 words. i went out to the living room where TGILW was watching tv. he couldn't see me at first and then he got up to see why i was shaking. oh the shaking! it's uncontrollable and impossible to stop. you have absolutely no control of your body.
^ puffffffy! more than i usually am!
when i reached the ER, the front desk as usual shoved some papers for me to sign. i could barely breathe or speak by then. the others in the waiting room once again cowered to one area speaking in hushed tones and slyly stealing glances towards me. i know i was one sight to see. it's something you can't even explain. completely red like a lobster and puffed up with undistinguishable features, shaking uncontrollably with labored breaths.
of course this buys you a red carpet entry to the ER without waiting for hours and hours.
to make a really already long story shorter, i got my bed adjacent to some vomiting man. the nurse had a hard time finding my veins with the body so puffed up. they eventually had to insert it near the knuckles. it's um... uncomfortable. i got a big dose of steroids to reduce the swelling and inflammation. then i got a huge kick of adrenaline into the upper arm that left me shaking even more like a crack ho. and some more antihistamines.
when asked why i was taking antibiotics, i told them of a sinus infection. they then decided to take xrays of my head and chest. to my surprise everything came back clear even though i still have symptoms. the ER doctor suggested i get to a neurologist to see if the constant pain in my face is from cluster headaches, migraine or from trigeminal neuralgia. this all just pushes forth to me the reality that maybe, just maybe i may have MS like my sister too.
on the other side of everything is this allergy thing to contend with as well. i used to never be allergic to aspirin, sulfa or penicillin and now i'm allergic to all 3! after a call from my specialist today, she is sending me to a clinical immunologist out at the UCLA medical center to get their input. maybe, just maybe alot of this allergy stuff is coming from a whacked out immune system. maybe somewhere along the line, something in me has mutated. oh great! now i sound like i'm an x-men or one of the F4!
*sigh*
why does this all seem so reminiscent of those many many frustrated months of 2000/2001?
currently listening to: cascada, miracle
